Setting boundaries
Post 58
After 2.5 years of the indie life where I set my own hours, I now need to figure out how to set healthy boundaries and not feel bad about it.
You see, I’ve started to work before I actually start work in early January 2023 because I wanted to be nice to my new manager. It started with, “hey I have a bit of time next week to meet and discuss the xyz”, which turned into me working on a document most of this week, and now I see that I really need to set boundaries.
I am a little challenged when it comes to boundaries with new people I like, and who I want to like me. Especially when it’s a new manager because they will make or break how you feel about work.
It occurred to me that this people pleasing behaviour is my form of control, to control how someone else feels about me. But it comes at a cost, which is never worth it in the long run. Besides self-betrayal and reducing self-esteem, unchecked people-pleasing can erode boundaries, rendering what was solid into a porous film.
So, what to do? I received comments on the document I produced today, and politely sent a reply on Slack. I asked if they need the revised document by a certain date because I was planning to review their comments in a week (after my holiday, basically). This is a loaded sentence:
A reasonable manager will remember that I’m not starting work until early January, so this is a test to see if they respect my boundaries. My hypothesis is that they’re reasonable people who value work-life balance. Though this conflicts with my observation that they like to move as quickly as possible (#startuplife).
I said need, not want. Because if you require this document revised during my holiday, it had better be an urgent need. And I’m still going to need to hear a very good reason for that need.
I expect that boundaries will be respected and I can enjoy my holiday. I’d be very surprised, otherwise. But all of this makes me think, oh boy, I have to figure out how to be an employee again.